Well hello there, it's been a while... again. It feels like lately I've just been stuck in the same funk of a grumpy mood and boy am I struggling to shake it off! Like the title of this blog post reads, forever grumpy is how I think I'll remain. A tad bit dramatic, maybe. But that is how I've been feeling. Everything is just so blah... you know? And that may be why I've disappeared from here for so long now. Trying to keep this space happy and positive is pretty hard to do when you aren't feeling it and I'm definitely not one for pretending, I have to do enough of that in real life and it's exhausting! It seems like the only thing (aside from hubs) that has been getting me through the days lately has listening to Lana Del Ray on repeat. Born to Die has become a sort of soundtrack to my moodiest of moods and in a sick, masochist sort of way, that's just how I like it. Who else can really belt out such soulful blues while sounding wonderfully seductive? So I've decided to just run with this vibe and vent on here. Please excuse (or join) me in this seemingly never ending pity party I've been holding out on you guys with... There's me, my grumpy mood, a frown (of course), and did I mention I've been paying homage to Lana in the bluesiest of ways possible. So much so that my voice is actually getting scratchy and hubs has become used to tuning me out. A tempting picture I just painted for you all, I know. What exactly is wrong though? Oh just about everything and nothing simultaneously of course. I have my suspicions about what might have triggered all this... and now I'm in so deep, feeling grumpy has become like a thick blanket I've wrapped around myself tightly and am clutching onto for dear life... peering skeptically at all the seemingly happy people out there. But have you ever had so many emotions, most of them extreme and borderline dangerous, surging through you at the same time leaving you confused as to if you should cry or be angry? That's me most of the time these days. And sometimes I'm able to kind of float out of my body and see myself through an outsiders perspective and I just start abruptly laughing. This laughter that comes from deep within my belly, straight from the soul and it just rushes out uncontrollably at sight of my state. Laughter that has been suppressed for so long that once it escapes it shakes me to my core and leaves me crying tears of relief. Like all this pent up emotion reached its maximum capacity in little old me and so I overflowed. Man, not even yoga and all the zen-ness can save me these days. And so in case you happen to encounter me these days, note the following: Flowers work ALWAYS, succulents too. Food can usually calm me down for as long as it takes to eat it and lucky for you, I'm a slow eater. Coffee is my drug fix. And Lana, well she can do no wrong can she? So consider yourselves warned and approach me (or don't) at your own risks. I'm hoping that by putting this all out there... you know, in the cyber universe and what not, that freeing it of my mind, body, and soul. I am tired and ready to move on... seriously I miss my usually happy self. Of course if you follow me on instagram, it's a totally different picture I've painted instead. But that my friends is the real beauty (or nightmare) of being able to curate... it's a slippery little thing. With all that said, I am putting myself to sleep with the hopes that tomorrow I will wake up on the other (right) side of the bed or whatever. We shall see how many flowers and succulents I acquire until this quits.
***Today I am thankful for (insert something uncynical here)***